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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Jon Konrath's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, February 7th, 2018
2:16 pm
i walked to the diner. had bacon, scrambled eggs, tater tots, toast. there was no jelly on the counter and i did not feel like asking for it, so i ate the toast with only butter, which was disappointing. 
Tuesday, January 9th, 2018
4:48 pm
Panera was out of cheddar broccoli soup today, which sucked because that's what I wanted. I got black bean soup, which was okay, and it's something like 70 calories less per cup, but it's bullshit.
Wednesday, January 3rd, 2018
4:29 pm
i had lunch at panera today. a pick two with broccoili cheddar soup and the ancient grains and arugala salad with chicken. i had the same exact meal in a different panera on monday.
Thursday, December 14th, 2017
3:59 pm
I walked to the diner today. I ate two scrambled eggs, three pieces of bacon, and two pancakes with syrup. I also had a diet coke.
Wednesday, December 29th, 2010
6:18 pm
Writer's Block: The times they are a-changing
How would you describe the last decade in one sentence?

The decade LiveJournal went from almost useful and relevant to completely sucking shit and popping up ads at every opportunity.
Friday, February 26th, 2010
7:15 am
Air in the Paragraph Line #13 now available

Air in the Paragraph Line #13 is now available at Amazon.com and other fine online booksellers.

AITPL is a print journal of absurdist and online fiction I publish. It typically contains a story or two of mine, plus maybe a dozen and a half other writers who contribute their own stuff. The main factor in choosing stories is readability - I really like something that keeps me turning the pages, like the old issues of Cometbus did for me back in the day.

For issue thirteen, the theme was “Bad Luck”, and our writers had a lot to say on the subject. It contains fact and fiction by Keith Buckley, Aaron Carnes, Joshua Citrak, Daniel Crocker, Timothy Gager, Nathan Graziano, Fiona Helmsley, Rebel Star Hobson, Robert Howington, Jon Konrath, Ben Mack, Jillian Olenik, Hassan Riaz, John Sheppard, Todd Taylor, and Daniel Trask. Edited by Jon Konrath, with cover art by Kurt Eisenlohr and cover design by Marie Mundaca.

I published not only a print version (with a glossy color cover, perfect bound 6x9, 236 pages) but I also did a Kindle version. The print version is cheaper than previous ones because of the printer change: $9.95+S/H list price. (You can also find it lower if you hunt around, but you might pay more shipping.) The Kindle version is a dirt cheap $1.99.

Anyway, check it out:

Also, I am desperately looking for book reviewers and have about a dozen copies of the print version to give away. If you or someone you know reviews books for their site or blog, please let me know and I can send a copy!

And please check out our fan page over at facebook.

Monday, May 4th, 2009
6:12 am
Calm before the storm
I woke up at 6 on a day off, because movers will be here at 9:30 and get the show on the road. Everything is in boxes, and all I (think) I have to do is take a shower, move the cats into their carrier so they're out of the way, and throw out any bits of garbage I can find.

Yesterday was a rough day of Ikea hell. I installed a wardrobe and a hanging cabinet, and assembled but did not hang another cabinet and a medicine chest. I bought a really nice cordless power drill/driver, and the assembly went a lot faster than usual, but I still got a lot less done than I wanted. There are roughly three carloads of stuff already in the new place, and everything is looking great there.

I think I forgot to mention that we got our keys on Saturday. We have not closed yet, but the property management is "renting" to us for zero dollars until Tues or Wed, when we sign the papers. So we had to sign a lease for the week.

The building is pretty empty at this point, although we have met a couple of people. Everyone we run into is either a butch lesbian or punk rock hipster (or both.) Haven't seen a kid yet. I don't think this is a school district you buy into.

My Yaris is back. It is completely restored to like-new shape. The only issue is that the windshield has a slight wave or distort in it. The Yaris has a funky windshield anyway, and I wonder if it's from driving the other car for a month that I now recognize it, or if it's cheap glass. I'm going to call the shop after we move and ask about it. They guaranteed all of the work, so maybe they can do a quick swap. It's so nice to have the car back, though. It was a relief to get 42 MPG on the trip back from the body shop.

Time to pack it up. I won't have internet again until we get hooked up on Saturday, but I will probably be ticking away on my phone until then.
Saturday, April 4th, 2009
8:56 am
MacHeist3 - Get $900+ of Mac software for $39 and help charity
If you're a Mac user, go check out http://macheist.com - they have this thing going where several popular software titles are bundled together, and you get the whole package for $39. PLUS you can choose one of ten charities, and they get 25% of the sale price.

They started with a certain number of titles in the package, and as they reach certain levels of sales, they unlock more apps.

Both WorldOfGoo and WireTap Pro are things I would have bought outside of the bundle, and both cost more than the bundle, so it's a hell of a deal.
Monday, December 22nd, 2008
10:18 am
Prog Slob
I have started a new music blog, because of the extreme shortage of web sites devoted to sub-par reviews of decade-old albums.

Anyway, go to http://progslob.com. I am just getting started, and there will be another writer or two to pick up the slack, but you get the idea. I am focusing on prog rock and prog metal, although I'm sure I will be bitching on other tangents, too.

I have a whole week in the winter wonderland of Milwaukee, and I hope to get caught up on reviews and other writing. I even got to sleep ten hours last night. In a row!
Wednesday, November 26th, 2008
6:38 am
I still can't believe this
This is how much weight I lost in 2008:

From camphone

I can barely carry 50 pounds of lard ten feet in a Safeway - not sure how I did it for decades when it was attached to my body.

Also, this wasn't Safeway, it was Pack and Save (Pick and Save? something like that) which is a Safeway-owned store, but roughly the size of the hanger in an aircraft carrier. We went through all 87 aisles, each one five times as large as a Key Foods in New York, and then at the end, there was another entire grocery store of booze and jumbo-sized packaging.
Saturday, October 18th, 2008
10:10 am
Hipster Book Club Interview
I was recently interviewed in Hipster Book Club. (Or maybe that's hipsterbookclub. Or hIpStErB00kClUb.) Anyway, check it out:


They've also got great book reviews, if you're tired of trying to get your Amazon recommendations to work properly. I bought my nephew a Spongebob video, and it now thinks I'm a pedophile or something and keeps recommending Ginsberg poetry and French-Canadian authors. Gotta look into editing that somehow.
Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008
12:55 am
Because I have lost up to my goal weight in WeightWatchers, and I have kept at that (and actually lost another five pounds), as of Sunday, I am an official lifetime member. That means I don't pay anymore; I weigh in once a month, and if I do that and keep within a couple of pounds of my goal, I am still current. I also got more hardware for my keychain, which I won't carry, since my keychain has too much crap on it already.

I also had to buy new jeans today, and a size 32 waist is still slightly loose. The last time I wore a 32 was maybe in 1993. The last time I was smaller than a 32 was high school. Before this started, I was at a 38 or sometimes 40.

I have not had a chance to process this, because I am in the middle of moving. I'm currently in SF, interviewing and sleeping on our new Ikea mattress, which is the only furniture in the apartment. I drive back to LA Tuesday night, the movers take our stuff on Friday, and we convoy down with both cars on Saturday, which will be my third time on the 6+ hour drive in the last week. Podcasts have come in handy lately.
Wednesday, September 10th, 2008
11:30 am
Moving to San Francisco
Looks like we are moving again, this time from LA to San Francisco. And it's happening fast - I will get keys to the new place next week, and we should be out of here by the end of the month.

I have nothing terrible to say about LA. It has been nice living by the ocean, and I don't think there has been a dreary day since we moved here. But Sarah has been commuting north for her job, and I cannot find a single tech writing job here that pays more than minimum wage. But I can't go on the usual screed about how horrible LA is because everyone is fake or whatever. Everyone is fake everywhere.

I know very little about San Francisco. There's a big bridge, an old jail on an island, and cable cars. Rice-a-Roni. That twisty road. City Lights. A lot of Chinese food. People that are very proud they are very happy and have a parade every year. Silicon valley. Lots of Priuses. Maybe I should go read Yelp.com.

I have a great deal of paper to shred. How did I end up with fifty tons of paper in six months?
Monday, August 25th, 2008
9:22 am
Yesterday, I weighed in at 178.8. My goal weight is 180. So I get more hardware for my keychain (I don't keep all of this crap on my keys, though) and I get to start maintenance, which I never really knew about until a week or two ago.

Maintenance in WW is weird. Your points actually get raised per week, and you have to relearn how to eat a second time. You don't eat as little as you do when you were losing, but you can't go back to 1/3 pound Angus burgers either. So it's a tightrope, a new set of rules, and I have to figure this out. As long as I don't go above 182 for six more weeks, I become a lifetime member, which means I can stop paying them. I think it also means a large subset of the meeting can hate me, because I reached goal in 18 weeks, and some people don't for years.

When I got my driver's license in Denver in spring of 2007, I weighed 225 pounds. When I started the program, I weighed 214.8. My official weight loss is 36 pounds. Unofficially, it's about fifty since I left New York. Absolutely none of my clothes fit anymore - my pants went from tight at a 38" waist to loose at a 33" waist. I couldn't wear a fitted shirt with a regular-sized collar, and now I can buy them off the rack and they're fine. I can actually run on a treadmill without ankle or knee problems for the first time since gym class in 1986. And I've had a lot fewer problems with energy and stomach disorder and all of that.

I think the biggest realization that I lost weight was that I went to buy kitty litter the other day, and I got the big plastic bucket. As I was hauling it to the cash register and struggling to carry it, I suddenly realized that I was carrying almost twice that amount of weight on my frame all the time a year ago. No wonder I'm always screwing up my knees and feet and ankles and back.

I still don't feel thin mentally, and I don't know when that will happen. There are brief bursts of it, but I still see thin people and me as different classes of society or something, and usually we have the same BMI, so it's some mental thing. And I am still out of shape, and even though my weight is close, my muscle tone needs improvement. My cholesterol is still borderline, and so's my BP. So there's still work to be done. But it's good to get to this point.

P.S. These aren't very good photos, but it gives you an idea:


Tuesday, July 29th, 2008
11:51 am
We just had an earthquake a second ago. It was a 5.6:


I am in a relatively new building, so it mostly rolled and rocked a bit, no damage. (Except to the cats' psychological wellness.)

This was my first LA earthquake, and it was different. Seattle earthquakes I witnessed were much shorter and more abrupt. This was not as powerful, but went for longer. That might be this building's construction though.

I don't know why I feel a need to post this, since I am sure almost all of you do not give a shit, but it seems like after 9/11, I always feel a need to say "it's okay" after something like this happens, so my Midwestern family that only knows of earthquakes from disaster movies will know it was not a big deal.
Tuesday, May 13th, 2008
2:57 pm
Chinese Earthquake Relief
If you paypal me some money, I will go spend it at Wal-Mart to help stimulate the Chinese economy.
Monday, May 12th, 2008
9:13 am
Sorry, Mr. Lama
My prediction: Tibet is now officially out. Burma is officially the new cause du jour. Every giant corporate music festival this summer that loses money except the promoters still make money will now need to advertise that they are helping burma. College freshman trustifarians - you now need to preach to us about the noble ways of Min Ko Naing (although you can't find Burma on the map.) And we need a has-been actor to get behind the cause. (What's Kanye doing right now?)

Everyone else - rush to your local screenprinting place and get some Free Burma shirts going to dump on ebay. This is going to be even more profitable than that West Memphis Three thing!
Wednesday, April 30th, 2008
6:38 pm
I hate poetry
Except this one poem, which I could read every day for the next fifty years.
First one to guess the author gets a dollar.

The Genius of the Crowd

there is enough treachery, hatred violence absurdity in the average
human being to supply any given army on any given day

and the best at murder are those who preach against it
and the best at hate are those who preach love
and the best at war finally are those who preach peace

those who preach god, need god
those who preach peace do not have peace
those who preach peace do not have love

beware the preachers
beware the knowers
beware those who are always reading books
beware those who either detest poverty
or are proud of it
beware those quick to praise
for they need praise in return
beware those who are quick to censor
they are afraid of what they do not know
beware those who seek constant crowds for
they are nothing alone
beware the average man the average woman
beware their love, their love is average
seeks average

but there is genius in their hatred
there is enough genius in their hatred to kill you
to kill anybody
not wanting solitude
not understanding solitude
they will attempt to destroy anything
that differs from their own
not being able to create art
they will not understand art
they will consider their failure as creators
only as a failure of the world
not being able to love fully
they will believe your love incomplete
and then they will hate you
and their hatred will be perfect

like a shining diamond
like a knife
like a mountain
like a tiger
like hemlock

their finest art
Sunday, February 3rd, 2008
11:59 am
I'm moving
To LA. On the 25th. I don't feel like writing the details twice, so go here: http://rumored.com/journal/html/20080203.html
Tuesday, December 11th, 2007
7:16 pm
Me, all sliced up
I got a new MRI today, and I got the radiologist to burn me a CD. Here's my left knee, as if you were looking at it sideways, being sliced up.

Always reminds me of that exhibit in the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago, where a dude is sliced up in layers and pressed between sheets of glass.

The radiologist had two big screens. One was a million tiled pictures of my knee. The other one was running Solitaire. I shit you not.
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